The UK's Sex Toy Map

The UK's Sex Toy Map

The good people at Carvaka Sex Toys have been analysing the searches for sex toys on their site and have found some pretty interesting things, and it looks like London may be rather vanilla in its sex toy tastes.

So what, with a tongue in cheek (though hopefully not chauvinistic) take, can we read into the results? Well much of the country if full of men that can’t satisfy their partners, and London probably isn’t as boring and sexless as its results first suggest.

The kinkyest part of the UK so it turns out is the North West. This will not surprise anyone that’s ever been to Manchester. The sex toy they most search for is a Collar and Lead. Who the collar is for I don’t know but I doubt it’s for the puppy (unless your into that sort of role play). The boys and the girls of the region clearly go in for a bit of the old BDSM, and I’d be willing to bet the collar is for more of the chaps than you might expect.

Looking at other regions we find the ladies of Fife, Northern Ireland, South East Wales, and the East Midlands like to get a helping hand from Rabbit vibrators. While the women of the North East prefer Remote Control Vibrators to help get the job done (and at least it gives their men the chance to be involved, though the ladies may get better results without them). On the other hand, the ladies of Dumfries and Galloway don’t so much care about vibrations, for them it’s all about their dildos being large and realistic.

London Lamppost

One has to spare a thought for those in the Highlands, the Scottish Borders, and Snowdonia and Anglesey. The most popular sex toy search request in these regions is Thrusting Vibrators. What scale these toys take I cannot say, but they could be buying everything from handheld sex toys to the more expensive hands free machines, but what one can say is that thrusting vibrators tend to serve a bigger itch and need than their less dynamic sex toy cousins. What’s more, all of these areas are pastoral farming regions and sparsely populated, so I’m afraid to say it may suggest that if you want a full and rewarding sex life, don’t become the wife or girlfriend of farmers; at least in these areas.

While the women of Snowdonia maybe having a hard time getting a man into the bedroom, it seems the people of Central Wales are doing rather well. For them Condoms is the biggest search, suggesting that far from needing toys to help in the boudoir, their men are doing plenty well enough and pregnancy is the big issue; that or there’s a very high degree of STDs about.

The most thought-provoking result on the female front is the West Midlands were Strapless Strappons is the most common search. I don’t know what to make of this, other than perhaps the area has a large number of pegging fans and lesbians. Or maybe the additional section that allows it to be strapless just acts as a handy handle for self-stimulation?

london lamppost

Of course it’s not just women that enjoy their sex toys men do too. The results for four regions showed that sex toys for men were the most searched items. In North East Wales and Yorkshire and Humber the Fleshlight is the go to toy. Either the guys just don’t get it enough, or they like to get it off too much that their girlfriends and wives can’t keep up. Even if that’s not true, what is true is that they prefer the feeling of lubbed up synthetic material to that of their hand (gone are the days of sitting on your hand till it went numb and using that).

The men of North East of Scotland meanwhile take prostate care and cancer seriously as Prostate Massagers are their number one sex toy search. While the men of the South West of England seem to feel, or their partners seem to feel, that they are lacking in the trouser snake department as Penis Sleeves are the main requirement there.

But what about London? Well it’s the only region of the UK where a standard dildo is the most commonly searched product. To be honest this makes London seem rather dull in comparison, especially given the city caters to just about every legal kink under the sun and the prevalence of sex parties.

But lets think again, with the exception of the kinky Mancs and the strapless strappons of the West Midlands, all the toys that came out top of the search results are really for solo use. Sure you can use them as a couple, but the more bells and whistles the device features, like a thrusting vibrator or rabbit vibrator, the less likely that’s the reason you bought it. Even something like a hands free dildo or fleshlight is designed to be really used solo.

On the other hand simple dildos and little bullet vibrators are great toys for both solos fun and for couples to use in foreplay and during sex. So this suggests that London’s sex toy shopping needs aren’t so complex because the men and woman of our capital city are getting it far more regularly and satisfactorily. They’re after toys that fill the down time between partners and then can be used with them. The shorter the time between partners the less of an itch that needs to be taking care of and the simpler the required toy. Hence the good old plain and simple dildo winning out in London – at least that’s what I’m choosing to take from all this and I’m sticking with it.

P.S. This got us thinking about the porn we watch so we had a quick look at what we’ve all be watching on Pornhub, and well it’s a bit disturbing as you can see here

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